Relationship Expert Celebrates New Book Release with Launch Event

In a relationship culture obsessed with quick fixes and endless analysis, author and relationship expert Vesta Gauntlett is asking couples to do something radically different: stop reliving what went wrong and make an intentional choice about what comes next. Her new book Are You In or Out? is a reflective, empowering guide designed to help couples find clarity, whether that means recommitting with purpose or having the courage to walk away. Rather than offering surface-level solutions, Vesta challenges readers to confront the question many avoid, but all must eventually answer.

Vesta is a relationship guide, retreat host, and motivational speaker whose work centers on intentional choice, personal accountability, and joy-filled living. Through her book, retreats, and coaching, she helps individuals and couples answer the question only they can decide: What is next?

Bello. Your philosophy emphasizes clarity over constant analysis—what made you take that approach to relationships?

In my experience, most challenges in relationships stem from miscommunication. When couples take the time to clarify what they’re actually discussing—or what they truly want from the relationship—it often resolves more than they expect. Constant analysis can keep people stuck in their heads and disconnected from the relationship itself. Clarity, on the other hand—knowing where you stand, what you’re looking for, and ensuring your partner understands that—creates a sense of stability. And it’s that clarity that allows a relationship to feel strong and continue to grow.

Bello. How has your work as a relationship coach and retreat leader shaped the ideas in this book?

Working closely with couples—as both a relationship coach and retreat leader—has given me a clear view of where many relationships begin to break down. More often than not, the core issue isn’t complexity, it’s uncertainty around commitment. I would hear questions like: Are we fully in this, or are we not? And more importantly, can I commit if I’m not sure my partner is equally invested?

That lack of clarity creates tension, hesitation, and disconnection. And I began to realize that what many people needed wasn’t more analysis, it was a clearer understanding of where they stood.

I couldn’t find a resource that directly addressed that question in a simple, honest way. So I wrote one. A book that invites individuals to look at their relationship and ask, with clarity and intention: Are you in, or are you out?

Bello. You talk about the “after moments” in relationships, why do you think these stages are so often overlooked?

When I talk about the “after moments,” I’m referring to the pivotal transitions that can shift the balance of a relationship, moments like after children, after a career change, or after retirement. These are significant life changes, but what’s often overlooked is what they mean for the relationship itself. Many couples prepare for the event, but not for how it will impact their dynamic. And when those conversations don’t happen, people are often caught off guard by what their partner needs or expects during that transition. The “after” moments are an opportunity to reconnect and realign. With clear, intentional conversations, couples can reset shared expectations and instead of feeling destabilizing, these seasons can become a time of renewed connection and growth.

Bello. What does it truly mean for a couple to be “in” versus “out” in today’s relationship culture?

In writing this book, I came to understand that being “in” a relationship means being willing to show up in the ways your partner needs to feel loved, valued, and chosen. It’s an active, ongoing decision, one that requires intention and follow-through. Being “out,” on the other hand, often looks like prioritizing your own wants without a willingness to meet your partner in what they need. And if that willingness isn’t there, it’s important to be honest about that because it allows both people the opportunity to choose a relationship where they can be fully met. At its core, being “in” means choosing your partner, consistently and consciously. Being “out” means you’re no longer making that choice. And while it may sound simple, that clarity is often what’s missing.

Bello. Was there a particular moment or experience that made you realize this message needed to be shared in a book?

For me, the turning point came when I was searching for something like this within my own marriage. I wanted to make it work, and more importantly, I wanted us to have a shared language, a way to communicate clearly and have meaningful, productive conversations about where we stood. But I couldn’t find anything that offered that kind of clarity. There wasn’t a resource that created a simple, honest framework for couples to understand their level of commitment and talk about it in a constructive way. Once I realized that tool didn’t exist, it became clear to me that it needed to. And that’s when I knew I had to write it.

Bello. For couples who feel stuck, what’s one small but powerful step they can take toward clarity?

For couples who feel stuck but still care deeply for one another, the first step toward clarity doesn’t have to be complicated, it just needs to be intentional. One of the most powerful things they can do is engage with a tool that helps them clearly see where they stand. That’s exactly what this book is designed to do. While it may sound simple, the clarity couples gain, even down to the page they land on—can be incredibly revealing and transformative. But what I’ve found, especially through my W.I.N. Marriage Adventure retreats, is that couples don’t just need clarity, they need a space to work through it together. In that environment, they’re able to have the conversations they’ve been avoiding, reset expectations, and begin creating a new path forward with intention.

It’s about moving from feeling stuck to actively engaging in the relationship—and building something that feels aligned, connected, and alive.

Bello. You emphasize joy over longevity, how can couples shift their mindset to embrace that idea?

For me, choosing joy and creating longevity aren’t in opposition, they’re deeply connected. When couples intentionally choose love and joy in their relationship each day, they are, in many ways, building longevity as a result. The distinction is this: I don’t believe in staying in a relationship simply for the sake of longevity. A relationship isn’t meant to be endured, it’s meant to be experienced, nurtured, and lived with a sense of connection and fulfillment. When couples shift their focus from “how long can we last?” to “how can we show up for each other with love and intention today?”, everything changes. That daily choice, to lead with love, to create moments of joy, is what ultimately sustains a relationship over time and allows it to grow in a meaningful, connected way.

Bello. After readers finish Are You In or Out?, what do you hope they feel empowered to do next?

My hope is that when readers finish Are You In or Out?, they walk away with a sense of peace and clarity. More than anything, I want them to feel empowered to have the kind of conversation that can truly impact the direction of their relationship and their lives. This book is designed to offer a set of tools that help couples move into honest, transformative dialogue with one another. Conversations that may feel difficult, but are necessary for real growth. I want readers to feel empowered to ask for what they need, to express what matters to them, and to engage in their relationship with intention.

And from that place, my hope is that they’re able to create something new together, something more aligned, more connected, and ultimately, more joyful.